when keeping it real goes right

I'm taking a little break from my break (which is almost over!) because I finally felt inspired enough to post. I've read Danielle's Journal Day posts before, but was always a lurker, never a participater. However after reading a few inspirational posts from some dear blogging buddies, as well as Dani's post (which I could relate to), I wanted to share my thoughts on the current topic...

Looking at all of the life you've lived so far, can you pinpoint one time frame or instance that you feel truly contributed to your growth as a person? This may be a turning point, a positive or negative experience, a moment or collection of moments that stand out in your mind...something that changed you as a whole. 

My turning point came at the end of my last relationship. Thanks to low self esteem and not having dated a lot of guys well...ever, I tended to latch onto any guy who showed even the smallest interest in me. This resulted in being involved with, one way or another, a LOT of schmucks. I don't want to completely bash my ex, but until him I had never put up with someone who treated me so poorly for so long. I loved him, so I ignored so many red flags and warning signs to jump ship because I thought he was the only person who was ever going to love me. This was the best it was going to get.

So I put up with three years of him taking me for granted, manipulating me, neglecting me and our relationship, always choosing his friends over me, lying to me constantly about his drug habits and borrowing hundreds of dollars from me that I would ultimately never see again. We fought frequently in that last year but it never came to a head until one night when he was at work and his friends decided to rearrange all the living room furniture, none of which belonged to them, on a whim in the most impractical arrangement I had ever seen.

(At this point you should know that during the last year of our relationship he had convinced me to move in with him and two of his friends. BIG MISTAKE. Don't ever do it.)

I was irritated because they had asked neither one of us if this was ok and I found it a little rude. When I told the ex about it he told me that basically since the only piece that was mine was the couch, that I didn't have a say on what went on in the house and that they could frankly do what they wanted. This sparked an argument which no longer was about who moved the damn couch where or the politeness of asking first. There had been a lot of issues building up and we were finally getting it out. In the course of the argument he completely took over. He wouldn't let me speak. He wouldn't let me reply to any of his arguments. I was simply to sit there and let him yell at me. I promptly told him if he wasn't going to allow me to talk that he could "get the fuck out."

He then stormed out and proceeded to scream at his friends, about me, as I sat alone in the room. I had never felt so humiliated and so angry. He always threw me under the bus around his friends before but this took the cake. How dare he? How dare he talk shit about me, purposely loud enough enough for me to hear, in my own home?

...in the home where I paid for all the food he ate.
...in the home where he parked his car out front that I paid the insurance on and the gas that went in it.
...in the home where I did most of the cleaning and replacing of my own things that they constantly disrespected and destroyed.

Enough was enough. I got up, packed a small bag and slipped out of the house without causing a scene to the sounds of his further ranting and berating. I drove to my sister's house, crying the entire way. He did not call or text once to see where I was or if I was ok. I cried myself to sleep and when I woke up hoping he had called during the night I found nothing still. He didn't care. I had left and for all he knew I could have crashed my car and been lying in a ditch somewhere and he didn't care. He didn't call my friends. He didn't call my family. Nothing. In fact when I returned he wanted to act like nothing had happened. It was the push I finally needed to move out and move on.

From that moment I finally had decided I was never going to allow another person, boy or otherwise, to treat me with anything less than the utmost respect. I decided from now on I was going to treat myself with the utmost respect. There will be people out there who don't have your best interest in mind. They'll lie to you, stab you in the back, sabotage you, try to tarnish any happy moment you try to have. Those people are weeds that need to be plucked. I realized I only wanted to have people in my life that enhanced my life rather than hindered it and thanks to that mindset I have so many amazing people in my life right now. Once in a while my garden needs weeding, but these days the weeds are easier to spot as I have so little tolerance for them.